


Proper Plastered, Mate

by nightflower_panda



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Banter, British Slang, Crack, Drunkenness, Explicit Language, Fluff and Crack, Ignis Scientia is a Mess, M/M, Prompto Argentum is a Ray of Sunshine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:40:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24134485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nightflower_panda/pseuds/nightflower_panda
Summary: In which Ignis returns to British slang when he's drunk-- I mean, utterly sloshed.
Relationships: Gladiolus Amicitia/Noctis Lucis Caelum, Prompto Argentum/Ignis Scientia
Comments: 12
Kudos: 86





	Proper Plastered, Mate

When Gladio had pulled him to the side - before they settled down in front of the campfire with a few crates of beer - and subtly warned him that 'Iggy gets a bit funny when he's drunk', Prompto had just shrugged it off. Everyone got funny when they were drunk, right? 'Funny' just meant 'different', didn't it?

He hadn't been expecting Ignis to actually be _funny_ when he was drunk.

"Lads, I'm gonna get completely wankered tonight, I'm telling you now," Ignis gestured with his bottle towards Gladio. "Bloody hell, I'm already fucking trolleyed. This stuff is _mint_ , Gladio, you _absolute_ ledge."

"No prob, Iggy," the shield was a lot better at holding his alcohol than the advisor. "You looked like you've been a bit strung out lately."

"You don't know the half of it, mate. Bloody well had it up to here with those twatting Niff bastards. Jog on already and sod off!" he shouted into the clear night air, as if their enemies could actually hear him.

Prompto laughed. He and Noctis weren't drinking, still technically underage, but he was enjoying just watching. It was nice seeing Ignis let loose for once. 

"Anyone else hank marvin'? I'm proper gagging for some grub, lads," Ignis moved to stand up, taking another swig of beer.

Prompto blinked dumbly and turned to look between Gladio and Noctis, the cute smile on his face silently begging, ' _Translation, please??_ '. He assumed they understood, seeing as the other two had known Ignis a lot longer than he had.

"You want me to grab you something from inside?" Noctis offered helpfully, glancing up from his phone screen.

"Think we might have some leftovers from dinner," Gladio added.

"Mmm..." Ignis stretched, unconvinced. "I'm not feeling it."

Prompto clicked his fingers; Iggy was hungry! 

"I could go for a burger!" the young blonde chimed in. "We're not far from the Crow's Nest??" 

Ignis span round abruptly with a triumphant point at Prompto. 

"Oh YES, Prompto, my _son_! Smashed it with that suggestion!" Ignis laughed happily. "Lads, who's up for a cheeky Kenny's?!" 

Noctis put his phone away, standing up. "Tell you what, I'll drive me and Gladio down for takeout. _Y_ _ou_ ," he walked over to pat Ignis on the shoulder, "can sit tight here 'til we're back. Prom'll look after you."

The prince turned to give Prompto a look which screamed ' _Please say you'll stay behind too because I'd rather **die** than be seen outside with this guy right now_' and Prompto grinned, getting the message loud and clear. 

"Yeah, sounds like a plan! Come on, Iggy, sit yourself back down by me."

Ignis huffed. "Fine, but only cos I'm pissing knackered... And you'd better bring something top notch back. Nothing dodgy."

Gladio chuckled, knocking back the last of his bottle. "Just leave it to us, Specs. Come on, Princess. Let's go."

Prompto watched them leave before looking back to where Ignis was opening up another beer. Really, he looked just as refined as always until he opened his mouth.

Ignis took a long swig then planted the bottle firmly into the ground to stare Prompto in the eyes. 

"Mate, anyone ever tell you you're not bad looking?" 

Prompto grinned. Was 'not bad' supposed to be a compliment? Surely that should just be the default. 

"Er... Can't say anyone's ever said those exact words to me," he replied, amused.

"Bollocks," Ignis mumbled, full of disbelief, before stating matter-of-factly, "Cos you bloody well are." Then he paused, considering. "I mean, aren't. You're not. Not bad, I mean. You're pretty fit."

Prompto allowed himself to laugh, choosing to play along.

"Thanks, bro. You're not bad yourself."

Ignis stood slightly and shuffled their camp chairs closer together. He paused again for a moment before looking Prompto in the eyes once more. 

"Prompto... Do you fancy a snog?"

What on Eos was a 'snog'?! Prompto didn't have a clue but he guessed it couldn't be anything bad. He was rather enjoying this side of Ignis.

"Sure, Iggy. Hit me up!" 

When Gladio and Noctis returned not long after, fast food in hand, they weren't expecting to find their two friends making out by the fire. Actually, they were a little surprised. 

But they didn't mind. 

Noctis just gave Gladio a mischievous smirk and Gladio pulled him into the tent so they could have some fun of their own.

THE END

**Author's Note:**

> OK, I can't get this out of my head lol. I know it's bloody awful, but hey.
> 
> If anyone else wants to write Iggy using bad British slang then please do! So I can read it and cackle at how ridiculous it is. 🤣


End file.
